ROSENET-CA: - Facts - Spousal Abuse

Some things you should know about spousal abuse

If you are an immigrant woman who is experiencing abuse, you need to know that:

There is help. There are many agencies that help immigrant women. Sometimes they may even have someone who speaks your language if you feel better talking in your language.
It is not your fault. Your husband or parter is responsible for the violence. No one has the right to abuse you, no matter what your immigrant status is.
You are not alone. It happens to many women, no matter where they come from, what their religion is, or whether they have money.
No one has the right to hurt you physically or emotionally. Some people may tell you that you have to accept it because he is your husband, but you do not. Any form of abuse is wrong.
The abuse usually gets worse, not better.
Many women feel ashamed about what is happening. This feeling does not have to stop you from getting help.

Feeling shame

Most women who are abused feel shame, especially if violence is something that no one wants to talk about in the community.

Most women who live with abuse are scared to tell anyone. A woman may have some of the following thoughts.

If she goes for help to an agency, she may see a worker there who knows her.
If she talks to someone in her community, she will bring shame to her family.
If she tells someone in her community, they may think it is her fault.
If the community finds out, they will not want to be with her anymore.
She may lose her friends in the community.
If she has to get help from the government, they will not understand her English.

There is help

Even though many women feel like this, it is important for them to know that there is help. There are people in the community who work with families where there is violence. These workers have to keep the information secret and will not tell anyone else.

Following are some suggestions

When a woman goes to a government agency, she should trust herself. Her English is good enough to start a conversation.
If she does not feel confident, she can have someone she trusts translate for her.
If she does not have anyone to go with her, she can contact an immigrant serving agency. They may be able to provide support.
She may ask to speak to someone who is not from her home country.
She can ask that her file be kept confidential (secret).
She can talk to an immigrant serving agency or women's groups.

What can you do if you have been abused?

If you are in danger, call 911. Police will help you.

You can talk to someone about the abuse.

tell your English teacher
go to an immigrant-serving agency
phone a shelter for battered women
tell your doctor or your health nurse
tell someone you trust

You can get medical help.

If you have been hurt, you can go to your doctor or to the Emergency Department at a hospital. You can have pictures taken there of your injuries. These pictures are records of what happened.

Keep a written record.

Keep a written record of the times when the abuse takes place, and also describing the abuse. If your situation should be dealt with in some way by the courts, a written record will be very useful in trying to establish a history of abuse.

You can get away from the abuse.

You and your children can go to a friend's house or to a women's shelter, and you can stay there free. If you ask, the police or RCMP will take you where you want to go.

Updated: May 2002